tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I party with great urgency now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
