she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
