dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
