i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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