i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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