Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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