My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
