well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
