i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
