WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
