Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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