I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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