Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
