So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
