dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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