I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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