Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
