I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
