I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
