a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
