dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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