gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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