I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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