if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
