Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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