Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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