Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
