Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
