I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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