Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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