so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
