your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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