What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
