and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
