Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pants are for mortals
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
