Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My friends, they love my intelligence
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
