I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
