I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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