is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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