His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
