after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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