I didn't shave. On purpose
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
