Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
