I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
