11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
