Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
