I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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