just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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