Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
