dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
