Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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