While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
