I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
