Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
