Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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